Hopeless Moments in Recovery

Not so long ago, I thought I was over this. I thought depression was a thing of the past for me. I thought I had post-partum depression and anxiety, and that it was over, and would be a painful memory that would continue to fade with time. And you can probably guess how the story goes....I went off of my anti-depressants that I had been on for 1 1/2 years. It took about two months before the depression symptoms started coming back, and then about three months for them to be absolutely crippling. And now here I am, trying to recover. Let me correct myself--I am not trying to recover--I am recovering. For the past three or four days, I have been functioning at what I refer to as an 8 or a 9 out of 10. As far as how I feel, though, that's not always the case. There are moments during every day when I feel seriously hopeless. Those moments are powerful, and fortunately for me, they are brief. But they feel very real, and very frightening. In those moments, I feel as though the thoughts, "I will never get better. I will always have to deal with this. It will never go away" are absolute facts. Now, I have learned to tell myself that the depression is clouding my thinking for the moment, and that it will pass, like every other moment before it has. It's helping. But I still want them to go away. Forever. And never, ever return.