And, that, folks, is how recovery from depression works. You feel good for one hour or one day or one week, and you think, "It's finally over". I am finally done with this depression thing. You even start to think, "Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it was". You start to think about the future, and how great it will be. Things that seemed scary before--like having another child--would be no problem anymore. And then it comes back. And sometimes it comes back hard.
The 11th was a wonderful day. I was me again. Now, here we are just a few days later, and I am struggling again. The scary thoughts, the shakey-panicky feeling, the deep sense of sadness.....they all strike again. But this time, I have tools. I have even more tools than I had when I went through postpartum depression, and I have more tools than I had even the last time I was in this valley. So, I pray, and I go to church. I take a medication. I correct my negative thinking. When I find myself worrying, I direct my worries to God in the form of prayers. I write on my blog. I visit a friend, and spend time with family. And it gets better, as it always does. Then the moment passes, and I get glimpses of what it's like to be me again. And I have hope.
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